


Entries from the Journal of Ben Kenobi

by SkyrocketsInFlight



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Diary/Journal, Sadness, and I have none of that, but big stories mean motivation, idk why I wrote this but it just popped into my head, it might morph into a bigger story, just scribbles, post-mustafar, so much regret
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 15:21:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11107311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyrocketsInFlight/pseuds/SkyrocketsInFlight
Summary: Snippets out of Obi-Wan's journals post-mustafar (aka angst fest 101)The beginnings of a though I had late at night.  It might grow great plotty legs but it also might not.  Who knows my dudes.  I might actually write this into a story, it's totally on the table6/8/17 Edit:I made this a story, its called The In Betweenthis is now just going to be a dumping ground for all my obi-wan ramblings





	1. Questions without answers

Though I know that you are not dead, I still grieve.

My brother, how have we come to this? Four years we fought together in a war meant to preserve the Republic and yet it is in shambles. The Empire, it is now called. Ruled by a tyrant who I once trusted. Ruled by a man who ordered the execution of my family and friends.

My brother, did you feel the deaths of our brothers and sisters that day? Did you hear their last screams in your mind as I did?

My heart still aches.

When you cut down the children in the temple did remember them as they once were? They were the children you played with, the children you taught, the children who trusted you. As you heard their last gasps for breath did you remember their laughs?

Did you remember their laughs as I remembered yours when I left you screaming on Mustafar?

My brother, I’m so sorry I betrayed you this way. I loved you and yet I failed you.

I’m so sorry.


	2. Desert Nights are Cold

I am alone out here in the desert.  
The days are filled with a scorching heat but the cold nights always settle deep into my bones.  
Most days I hear nothing but the sound of my own breath, the whirling of the sands, and the call of the Kyrat dragons.   
My love, I am filled with too much regret. It is not wise to be alone when one is in such a state but I have found myself not being able to avoid it. Every second of every day, I relive all of my mistakes, all of my failures that have led to this point in time.   
The fight on Naboo where I was not strong enough to save my master, I let him die in my arms like too many of those I have loved.   
In letting him die, I forced you into becoming a padawan to a broken knight who was too wrapped up in his own grief to notice how lost his padawan was.   
Mistake after mistake all throughout your training where I was not enough.   
Order after order during the war that killed too many of my men.   
When I walked into the Temple to see the sacred halls of the only home I had ever known splatted with the blood of my family.   
When I abused one of my best friends. I had known Padmé was pregnant long before our confrontation, and a callous "I'm sorry" was the best I could do to comfort her.   
So lost was I in the thought of finding you that I let myself bully her with words to make sure that she went after you herself.   
I paved the path of her destruction. I abandoned you long before we fought against one another.  
My love, perhaps by living in the desert you so hated I will learn what I could not at the Temple.   
Perhaps by giving your step-brother your son to raise and your daughter to Bail instead of keeping him myself, I will make up for the ways in which I wronged you.

Padmé used her last words to tell me of the good she believed was still in you.  
I loved you, I still love you, but I cannot find it in my heart to trust such a hope


End file.
